Blessed By Our Scars Even As We Are Wounded

Sunday morning in Tampa. 

Hyde Park United Methodist Church, the closest UMC to the site of General Conference. 

11 a.m. service, many Bishops (including our own Bishop Park) and Central Conference delegates present. 

Rev. Dr. James A. Harnish, Senior Pastor preaching on the gospel lectionary lesson (Luke 24:36-48), focusing particularly on verse 40: 

"And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet." 

The risen Christ is the wounded Christ. The power that rose Jesus from the death could have erased the scars,but it didn't. The scars are powerful reminders of the journey, and, in their own right, testify to resurrection and redemption and resurrection.

My heart continues to be moved as this sermon reverberates in the echo chambers of my experience as a delegate of the New York Annual Conference to the General Conference of The United Methodist Church in 2012.  

To think that the first word the Spirit would have for me in Tampa was about wounds and scars…

Being an openly gay delegate in General Conference is not easy. Whereas for most people General Conference is a place of difficult disagreements , for GLBTQ persons it is a place where our very right to exist as God created us is constantly challenged. It may surprise to some who know me as a worship leader and very "public" person to hear that I am a very private individual. Spending two weeks in a place where my very nature is one of the main sources of controversy and where conversations about the compatibility or incompatibility of my very being with Christian teaching* are the order of the day,  is not a choice that I would naturally take. In fact, it is one I would rather avoid. 

Yet, the voice of the Spirit was clear this morning. Just like Christ, I am called to show the scars on my hands and feet, to let my own healed wounds be a witness to resurrection and hope. Yet, a question rises…how can I do this even as I am being wounded? 

That's when the choir started singing the words of the prophet Isaiah: "Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.  But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." That's when I got that Christ is both scarred and wounded, fully risen and still suffering like the pierced lamb of Revelation 5.

Now, I must pause and say that while I speak of myself and my experience as an openly gay delegate to the General Conference, the call to show our scars even as we are wounded belongs to all of us. It is a part of our human existence and integral to our Christian walk. The scars of Native Americans will be exposed at this General Conference, even as we continue to wound them by action and neglect. The scars of women will also be in display, even as we talk about how to end discrimination in our actions and language. Very dear to my heart, the scars of the people of Palestine will be displayed at General Conference, even as we wound them with our hesitation and fear.

I must also clearly state that my belief in letting scars bless even as new wounds are inflicted does not in any way justify, support or make excuses for the wounding, nor does it decrease my witness against it. 

It does call me in a strange way into peace and trust.

 It calls me into memory of the ways God has acted in the past "making a way where there was no way," and creating rivers in the desert. 

It calls me into a "risen" witness, worlds away from victimization and blame. 

It calls me into being at General Conference in persona Christi**, the call and duty of all who dare to bear the name of the slained Lamb that death could not hold.

Pray for me.

Jorge Lockward

*I have purposely exchanged "being" for "practice."  In my experience homosexuality, just like being latino, are things that belong to the core of my being. I refuse to have them reduced to "practices."  I also extend this courtesy to heterosexuals  try to not to ever speak of the "practice of heterosexuality."

**The Roman Catholic church limits the use of this term to male clergy, particularly around their sacramental functions. Given that the Church is The Body of Christ, I take that "being the body of Christ" to be the call of all believers to be fulfilled in community.